


fleeting heartbeat (as i walk away from you)

by candied_stupidity (efflorescent_idiocy)



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Post-Canon, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, angst week day 1, ushiten if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflorescent_idiocy/pseuds/candied_stupidity
Summary: It's a text from Oikawa-san -was i really not worth a goodbye, tobio-chan?(Tooru's tired. Tobio's leaving)Prompt: Unrequited love
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996114
Comments: 16
Kudos: 87
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	fleeting heartbeat (as i walk away from you)

"I can't handle this," Tooru-san whispers. "The citizenship, the opposing teams, the rivalry, I can't stand it."

They're in bed, curled up together like they always did when Tooru-san was in Japan.

(He knows Tooru-san thinks he's fast asleep. It's a little deceptive, but he can't help but want to hear what he has to say.)

"I need to break up with you," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and sleepily burrowing into his neck.

When he drifts off, Tobio turns around after about twenty minutes and gently lays a hand on his boyfriend's cheek.

"I love you so much. Don't you love me too, Tooru-san?" he quietly asks. He sighs, knowing the night air will not answer, and runs his fingers along smooth skin, caresses a high cheekbone with his thumb.

Instead, he answers himself.

"You don't have to answer. I know you don't, my love."

Sugarcoating things has never been in Tobio's nature.

He places a reverent kiss on his boyfriend's cheek and lays, trembling, in his arms for just a few more seconds than he should. He thinks Tooru-san might be shaking a little too, so he pulls the comforter further up. Then he wiggles out of bed, even though he wants to stay exactly where he is.

He had always hated silence, like the heavy one that filled his childhood home, the one before Tooru-san filled his life with his voice and his light. He has little choice but to keep this one, awful as it is.

Had their apartment always been this quiet? He didn't think so, but everything seemed a little stiller, a little dimmer even, when he knew he was leaving Tooru-san.

He packs his duffel bag with the clothes he'd been folding that afternoon, changes out of his pajamas, and warms up the breakfast he'd made last night. (After hesitating, he takes one of Tooru-san's hoodies. He doesn't like it, but Tobio always has, and it's still wet with tears.)

Then he writes a goodbye note in his neatest, most formal lettering and places it on the table with the food.

 _Oikawa-san_ is on the post-it note, the first time he's written it in nearly seven years. He isn't sure seven years was long enough, or if any time could be.

He takes the train to Ushijima-san's apartment, supremely guilty even though he'd already been told it would be okay. That's probably not the thing he's feeling guilty over.

 _It's okay,_ he thinks, half-hysterical already. He's just _leaving the love of his life,_ no big deal. Nothing to it, really.

The train is nearly empty this late, but he still stubbornly tries to stop tearing up. He doesn't accomplish that goal.

By the time he's at his destination, he's full-out sobbing, barely able to see the floor in front of him with how clouded his vision is.

He knocks after a good minute squinting at the number, and a decidedly uncaffeinated Tendou-san answers the door instead of Ushijima-san. His usually wide eyes are barely visible, his hair is down, and he doesn't have a shirt on. There's a small, dark bruise at the corner of his jaw.

"Tobio-kun? What are you doing here?"

The eyes reappear, widen even more than they usually do.

"I thought U-Ushijima-san would have told you if y-you were staying over, but I j-just broke up with my boyfriend," he sniffs.

"Hold on," he says, seemingly struggling to understand. "You, the gushiest non-gushy person ever, and Oikawa, an actual gushy person, just broke up."

"Y-Yes, and Ushijima-san said I could stay o-over until I moved into the Adlers' complex."

"Fuck, one of you must have really messed up. Come in, I'll get Wakatoshi-kun to make you hot chocolate."

He comes in, gets a hot mug shoved in his face, and proceeds to think about how Oikawa-san must have woken up alone by now while pretending to watch one of Tendou-san's animes.

After washing his face and deeming himself somewhat presentable, he does not go outside and emails his coach about moving into the Adlers' apartments and the head of security about taking Oikawa-san off the list of allowed visitors instead.

When he texts the Karasuno group chat about the breakup, it explodes and doesn't die down until he pretends he has to go to practice and can't answer any questions.

Everyone is upset and angry at Oikawa-san, but they're very obviously holding back from trashing him. When Tobio thanks them for it during a fake water break, the chat erupts again, this time in shock and outrage that he felt the need to thank them, and he just sighs and goes on a run.

* * *

His brain repeats the words of his note for the next few days. It's incessant, a constant, grating whine in his tired head.

 _Don't say you love me - I hear what you say when you think I'm asleep,_ it croons. _You're hurting me! I hear all of it._

He hears it in his dreams, whispering _I'm yours, I'm yours, I'll always be yours._

Sometimes, it helps him remember why he left. Even if Oikawa-san hadn't intended for him to hear it, he still said hurtful things.

Other times, it only reminds him of how little he has left of himself. Most of _Tobio_ is rooted in _Tooru-san,_ in their relationship and life together. There is little he can remember from before Oikawa-san came into his life.

He wants to go back, but he left, and going back would be unfair to both of them. He deserved better than that.

_(Oikawa-san deserved better than that.)_

Oikawa-san deserved to be with someone as illuminating as him, and he didn't think there was any place for a broken person - a _king_ \- in the light.

This was for the better - they would be okay. Even if Tobio never fell in love again, it would be all right.

The memory of his grandfather's voice echoes in the empty room.

_"You're too loyal, Tobio. Don't hurt yourself, okay?"_

He chuckles to himself at the irony.

It's far too late now. He's already head over heels, and the sentiment wasn't returned.

_(He wasn't sure he regretted it.)_

His phone buzzes in his pocket, bringing him back to Earth.

It's a text from Oikawa-san - _was i really not worth a goodbye, tobio-chan?_

He texts back.

_I know you wanted to, and I know you hate confrontation. I thought it might be easier on us this way._

He bites his lip, wondering if that's enough, and reluctantly adds, _I can come back and break up with you in person if you need me to._

He screenshots it and sends it to Hinata, who immediately texts back.

_bakageyama!!! stop people-pleasing >:(_

_try apologizing for not breaking up in person if that's what he would have wanted_

He dutifully types it out and thanks Hinata for the help.

_can we meet up? can i say goodbye?_

He hesitates, thinks about the look Hinata will give him, the Karasuno group chat, the email he's already sent to his coach. Then of Oikawa-san, his laugh, his genuine smiles.

_Okay_

He knows how this is going to end. He doesn't really care.

(They meet. Tooru-san sweeps him into a hug and looks at him in that godawful way he uses to get what he wants. _Please,_ his eyes say. _I love you._ Tobio thinks of whispered confessions and the hoodie in his duffel bag. He nods and plays straight into Tooru-san's hands.)

**Author's Note:**

> yell w me on twt! @BloomingIdiocy  
> id love to be friends :D


End file.
